“Pain is just a place where the will has been broken.” That is a verse from a song I heard recently. I can’t get the lyric out of my head. That statement is so profound! It has stuck in my mind lately and prompted me to think about the power of our pain in regard to our free will.
Our will is described as “the faculty by which a person decides on and initiates action.” It has been my experience that this is most often seen not in our outward action but more so in our lack of choice in action. As Paul describes in scripture … “Why do I do the things that I don’t want to do and can’t do the things that I do want to do?” (Romans 7:15, paraphrased.) He is describing a loss of free will. Pain takes away our free will.
You see, when we are young and experience pain, we often make declarations like “I will never” or “I will always.” These are called “inner vows.” And they are usually declarations made to ourselves out of pain that was caused us by someone else.
For example, a little one who is hurt by a parent or authority might say, “I will never hurt my son like my father hurt me,” only to grow up to find that that statement lends no prevention in the present. In fact, that young boy is now treating his son exactly as his dad treated him, possibly even worse. You see, that young one’s pain has caused his free will to be stuck in a dysfunctional pattern of abuse. Unfortunately, this often leads to generations and generations of abuse. Or not?
How do we stop the abuse and have our will restored? First of all, we can’t do it on our own. Only God can bring restoration. But He will. He longs to do that for you and for the sake of your family. Ask the Lord to show you where the pain originated. If you have a pattern of dysfunction in your life and you don’t know why you do it, ask God. He desires that you be healed even more than you do. He will show you when you were hurt and by whom.
When He shows you the source and origin of your pain, then forgive the one that hurt you. As a response to the pain, you may have vowed and made a judgment. The Word of God says, “The way you judge will be metered back to you” (Matthew 7:2, paraphrased.) So, because you judged a parent/authority for abusing you, now you abuse.
When we vow to do something in our own strength, God removes His hand. Forgive your abuser. Repent for judging and abusing others. And most importantly, break your vow: “God, I relinquish my will to Yours, and I break my inner vow that I will never or I will always _____.”
Ask God to intervene on your behalf, so you won’t abuse. Then speak a blessing where there has been lack. If you are abusing, you may need to go back to the one you abused, repent and speak a blessing instead. It breaks God’s heart to see any of his kids hurting. So, break the pattern and stop the abuse. Somebody in your family has got to do it. Or not?